quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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