Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
