We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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