i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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