anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
