The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How external is "for external use only"?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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