guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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