garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
