he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
