If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
