you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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