I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize