Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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