Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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