i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
