Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
