My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
