hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
