so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize