So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
