are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
