Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
