You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
