woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You ate ashes out of my bong
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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