she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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