It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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