sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
