I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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