And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
