So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
