listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
