We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When are your genitals available?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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