I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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