Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
