I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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