yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
