How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
