You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
