uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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