Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
