at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
