So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
