watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
