We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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