Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
