My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
