you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
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I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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