her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
