Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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