1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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