I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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