I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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