so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found your dick twin last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
