I showed him my bush... on skype.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
