I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize