I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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