went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
