the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
