kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
