she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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