Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
