The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
