batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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